Monday, 13 October 2014

a place called home

I took a visit to where I call home. It's not where I now live but the place I was born. Well the area I was born for my mum didn't give birth to her little angel in a public park or at least I don't think she did!
Any way this is the view from Primrose Hill in London, this was, during my time living in Camden my own piece of heaven, I would come here to get away from the struggles of teen life growing up in a rough area and growing up with being well different! I didn't know what kind of different I was back in those youthful days but I did know that I wasn't the same as my friends,
Growing up being transgendered was in hindsight a very difficult thing to do because it is always connected with being Gay and I new That I wasn't that way inclined. back in the 80s you never saw a crossdresser except those on the television and they were always the butt of some joke or the other. if someone knew a TV they would say so in a hushed voice like they were talking about some top secret government experiment ( maybe that's it we are an experiment gone wrong) or you would pick it out from the lyrics of a song. No wonder I was confused and didn't know what was wrong with me.
At times when it all got to much I would come up here and just look out across London for hours on end. The shear enormity of the place tended to put things back into perspective surly I wasn't the only freak on the planet why did I so much want to be a girl.

Jump forward some errr many amount of years and I find myself as Helen standing atop primrose Hill with a very smug look on my face! feeling as proud as punch that here I am standing amongst a gaggle of tourists from all corners of the globe and not one is bothered my the woman standing beside them. That woman is me :-)
The above photo was taken the other week and it kind of sums up how I use to feel all those years ago. the feeling of joy being Helen but a insecurity at the same time of the fear that someone might find out that I was different in the wrong way!

This is from last Sundays outing and here you find me sat in a mainstream pub, not a Gay trans friendly pub but a good old fashion boozer in fact I use to live in the same road this pub s in it even had the foot ball on the TV. No one took any notice of me at all. That says a lot about our society and how accepting and tolerant we are as a people.
I do however have a little advise for those who want to follow in my footsteps and that is be sure of your surroundings dress appropriately and chose wisely where you go.


1 comment:

  1. What a wonderful story, Helen. I could identify with so much of it but I could not have written it as well or with the same good nature. I have a bitterness about my childhood and the lack of understanding that clouds my retrospection. I need to lose it and find your positivity.